Her Lonely Heart
by Yuzukiis
Summary: "This is fine." You say. "I already knew from the start." KotoUmi


A/N: Okay so I just wanted to say I have no access to a computer so I wrote this all on my phone in notes, so I apologize if I have a lot of spelling errors. I wrote this in 3 or 4 hours while the idea was still fresh.

* * *

You meet her at a drama club meeting. You aren't very interested in drama, but you came for your friends Eli and Maki. Maki is very talented in music and Eli wanted to join to pass time. And so they dragged you along to the meeting.

You were expecting the meeting to be boring and end fast. Not long after walking into the meeting, you find Maki talking to a girl, with grayish hair and amber eyes. She looks to be around your age.

You stand awkwardly with Eli. You and Eli have known each other for about two years and she was your upperclassman. You two were close up until last year, when you suddenly developed a crush on her.

Months after you realized you had feelings for Eli, you confessed to her. She had no idea what to say to you. She didn't exactly reject you or accept your confession. Ever since your confession, you and her always had this awkward tension.

"So...Umi." She starts. You look up and meet your crush's eyes.

"Y-Yeah?" You cough.

"What are you thinking of joining?" She asks. You raise one of your eyebrows in confusion and realize she was talking about what group in drama you were thinking of joining. "I think I might join stage crew."

"Oh yeah." You mutter. "I think I'll join that too." You nod. You hope she doesn't think you're just trying to get close to her and follow her into that group. But really, you aren't sure if you're really going to be staying in this club for long, you have archery practice starting soon.

Maki breaks the awkward tension with the girl from earlier. The girl smiles at you. "Hey you two. This is my upperclassman from _elementary_ school, Kotori."

"Hi, I'm Minami Kotori. Nice to meet you." She bows at Eli and I.

"Ayase Eli. Nice to meet you too."

"Sonoda Umi. Likewise." You reply. The teacher walks into the classroom and signals for the meeting to start. The four of you all take seats next to each other. You sit next to Maki, and Eli and Kotori sit in the seats behind you two.

The teacher quickly explains the plans for the future of this club. You don't really care, but you listen anyway. The teacher quickly wraps things up, because apparently she had a meeting to go to after this. She tells the President of the club to take care of the rest and leaves without another word.

That is when you separate into groups. There is a group for actors, costume/makeup, and stage crew. Maki and Eli walk over to stage crew and you follow. The other stage crew members introduce themselves to each other and after you introduce yourself, you find a seat and sit down.

"Sonoda-san?" Kotori says. You look up and see the gray haired girl standing at your side. "You look a little bored."

"Ah.." You mutter. "Yeah, I guess."

"What made you want to join drama?" She asks. Kotori sits down next to you.

"Well, I didn't want to really.." You start.

"Why not?"

"Maki and Eli brought me here."

"Oh." She nods. "But it'll be fun. I'm sure."

You and her talk more. You learn that you are in the same grade and she likes to sew and design clothes. You also tell her about yourself, about your interest in archery and kendo.

Kotori then decides to exchange numbers. She hands you her phone and you input your number. You hand it back and get a message a few seconds later. Assuming it's her, You add her number into the contacts list and put away your phone.

"Umi. We're ready to go, are you coming?" Maki asks. You nod and look back at Kotori.

"I'm going to join them. I'll see you later?" You say. She nods and smiles at you.

"Sure!"

* * *

Weeks later after a few drama club meetings, you and Kotori grow a little closer. Over the weekends, she sometimes texts you and invites you out to the mall, but you are too gloomy about your situation about Eli to reply back.

You and Eli have become very awkward around each other. You wouldn't call her a friend anymore. When you see Eli in the hallway, you wave to her, but she never acknowledges you back, and it ruins your mood for the entire day. Your classmates begin to notice your horrible mood and they ask you, "What's wrong?"

You shake them off and say, "Nothing."

It hurts you a lot more than it should. You barely see Eli anymore. Usually you would be hanging out with Eli and Maki at lunch, but with the awkward tension you two have, you just can't endure anymore of it. You decide to hangout in your classroom for lunch and talk to classmates in there.

Sometimes you run into Kotori at lunch. It's usually at the beginning, because she likes to walk around and talk to people. She finds out where your class after lunch is and has always met you there everyday at lunch. She always asks you about your day and if you are going to go to the drama club meeting after school.

'Kotori really is a sweet girl.' You think.

* * *

One day Kotori catches you in a horrible mood. You spot her walking toward you in the hallway and you hurry in class before she can stop you at the door. You hide in the back and sit against the wall on the floor. You glance at the door and see her standing there, looking to find you. A few seconds later she leaves again and you let out a sigh of relief.

You didn't want to bother Kotori or anyone else with your feelings for Eli.

Just when you thought she was gone, Kotori walked into the classroom and found you. You sigh and look up at her.

"I knew you were in here." She says.

"Yeah." You reply, looking off to the side.

"Are you okay?" She asks. You nearly break down. No one has bothered to ask for awhile. But that's because you avoid staying around too long.

"Not really." You mutter.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing." You say and stand up. "Would you like to walk with me?"

She nods and you walk together around the halls. You don't bother trying to start a conversation and she doesn't either. You think she's just waiting for you to spill it.

"How come you don't hangout with Maki-chan or Eli-chan at lunch?" Kotori asks.

"I'd rather be by myself." You reply.

"Umi-chan.." She stops.

"What is it?" You turn around to face her.

"Talk to me. What's wrong with you?"

You open your mouth to say something, but quickly close it.

Kotori shakes her head and takes a step closer to you.

You shake your head and step backwards, but she grabs your jacket sleeve. You sigh in defeat, Kotori has won this battle. "Eli. It's Eli." You say.

"Eli-chan?" Kotori lets go of your sleeve. "What about her?"

"I..." You hesitate. But then you think it might be better to tell her than hold it in. "I like Eli. I'm in love with her."

"Oh..." A smile grows on Kotori's face. "Does she know?"

"Yes."

"I can talk to her for you!"

"No!" You snap. "Please don't."

Kotori rambles on and on about how she is going to help you. You shake your head as she talks. You finally give in, "Fine. Do what you wish."

Kotori nods her head and begins her mission. She bids you farewell and you walk back into your classroom, hoping Kotori won't make it worse.

* * *

It gets a little easier. You stop going to drama club meetings because archery practices have just started. When Kotori approaches you at lunch the first thing she asks is why weren't you at the meeting the day before.

"I have archery now." You reply.

"So you can't come to drama club?" She asks.

"No, I'm sorry. Archery is very important to me." When you say that, Kotori pouts. You chuckle at the sight. "I might come next week."

"Okay but you better." She smirks.

"Alright, alright."

Kotori doesn't visit you some days at lunch because she has other club meetings to attend to. But when she doesn't she always comes to see you. Kotori always asks you about Eli and when you talk about her, it makes you feel better. She even introduced you to Tojo Nozomi, an upperclassman who loved to tell people's fortunes. Nozomi even insisted to tell you your fortune but you politely turned her down. You didn't want to know what would happen to your relationship with Eli.

* * *

Months later, it was just getting worse. You never saw Eli but when you did, she never acknowledged you. Your mood was never good during the day until you saw Kotori. You would usually talk about it with Kotori but on the days when she was at a club meeting, you would have to wait until archery practice to feel better.

Archery was the one thing that could numb the pain. It was the only thing that could really take your mind off of Eli. Kotori would only soothe the pain for a limited time, but archery really took her mind off it.

* * *

You finally had enough. You were tired of the way Eli treated you. She acted like you never existed.

You finally broke down in front of your mother and cried. You ended up staying home instead of going to school.

'Love is cruel.' Was all you thought.

That was the day you decided to get over Ayase Eli and move on with your life.

* * *

After you got over Eli, you made sure to thank Kotori. She gave you a lot of advice and talked to you about it. Eli was your first crush and you really didn't know what to expect. Without Kotori, you don't know how else things would've turned out.

You were grateful to her and you would do anything to help her from that moment on.

* * *

You and Eli become friends again. You are happy for once. You hangout with her, Maki, and even Nozomi on days when Kotori doesn't visit you.

* * *

Eli and Nozomi eventually start dating. When Kotori hears this, she talks to you about it when you walk together to the archery grounds.

"Are you sad about Eli-chan and Nozomi-chan?" She asks. You smile and shake your head.

"No, not at all. I'm happy for them actually." You reply.

"Good. I'm glad." She places a hand on your arm and smiles.

* * *

You don't know when you started to feel something for Kotori. You got excited to see her on days when she would come visit you at lunch. Those days were usually on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. On the days where she had meetings, you felt like you were missing something. But you still saw her afterschool on your way to the archery grounds. She would still walk halfway with you before walking to the bus stop.

Everytime you saw Kotori, you had always wanted to hug her. When you saw her, you always hugged her. Your stomach felt weird and your chest felt fuzzy everytime you did.

On one of the days when Kotori had a meeting, you met up with Nozomi. "Nozomi." You say the older girl's name.

"Yes, Umi-chan?" She asks, never looking up while shuffling her tarot cards.

"I...I think I like Kotori." You say. You feel heat rush to your cheeks.

"Oh..?" Nozomi smirks at you. You feel uneasy. You know Nozomi usually teases others, especially Eli and you knew she was up to no good when she smirked.

"Y-Yes. I-I don't know what to do..."

"You should tell her!"

"Wh-What?! I can't do that!" You shout.

"But if you want your relationship to go anywhere, then you have to do something, Umi-chan."

"I...I will not." You say. "I will not do anything that might make Kotori uncomfortable." You decided to never lay a hand on her ever again.

* * *

One day afterschool, you see Kotori in the distance, walking with another girl. You get curious and try to catch up to them. You notice that the girl Kotori is walking with has ginger hair and a side pony tail. You see them say goodbye to each other and that's when you catch up to Kotori.

"Who was that?" You ask. Kotori flinches and turns to you.

"U-Umi-chan!" She says. "That...That was the girl I like."

You slowly nod your head. 'Oh.' You think. "Ah I see. What's her name?"

"Kousaka Honoka. She's in my last class."

"How come I've never seen you walk with her before?"

"I just started talking to her recently. She's really nice and really silly."

You nod while she continues to talk about this Kousaka girl.

You decide its best that you don't confess your feelings. You don't even believe that your feelings are real, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Kotori was there for you when you needed someone, so you decide to be that person for her. Even if it hurts you, you would do anything to make sure she was happy with this other girl. You would not make the same mistake you made with Eli.

* * *

You see Kotori and Honoka walk together afterschool everyday. They walk to the bus stop together, you assume.

You feel good that you have decided give up on Kotori. It doesn't bother you, that you still kind of like her, but the feelings you have for her aren't strong.

You see Honoka a lot during the day when you walk to your classes. You wonder how Kotori is doing with her. She never talks about Honoka during lunch.

* * *

Afterschool, Kotori insists on introducing you to Honoka. "This is my friend Umi-chan!" Kotori enthusiastically points to you.

"Sonoda Umi. Nice to meet you." You hold out your hand for a handshake. Honoka grabs your hand.

"Kousaka Honoka! Nice to meet you too."

After your handshake, the three of you walk together until it is time for you to part ways. "Well, I'll be off." You say.

"Bye Umi-chan! Have fun at archery practice." She smiles at me. Honoka waves and they walk in the opposite direction together.

A part of you feels happy for Kotori but deep down you sense that you are regretting this decision already.

* * *

Everytime you talk to Kotori afterschool, when Honoka is with her, you feel uneasy. When Kotori talks to you, you can't help but feel like Honoka is staring daggers into you.

You always excuse yourself first.

* * *

Kotori disappears for weeks. You don't see her at lunch anymore or afterschool. You ask Nozomi if she still goes to school. Despite being a grade above them, Nozomi has an elective with Kotori. Nozomi tells you that Kotori is still in school and she's doing fine. You nod in understanding and excuse yourself.

* * *

You don't realize how much Kotori was involved in your life until she was gone. You feel extremely lonely at lunch and you start to feel things for her again. You never realized what a sweet voice she had. You would do anything to hear it again.

You lost her number months before. So it was impossible to contact her on the phone. You were too stubborn to ask Nozomi for it.

You wanted to see her smile again and you wanted to hear her laugh.

No.

You wanted to make her smile and make her laugh.

You just wanted to be near her and talk to her.

You just wanted her in your life again because you just felt so empty without her.

* * *

Everything happened so fast. You can't really remember what happened, but what you can remember is that it hurt. It hurt bad.

You wake up in the hospital. You look at your side and see your left arm in a cast. You hear your mother sobbing next to you.

* * *

You learn that you saved a young girl crossing the street when the light was red. You were just in time. The young girl was unharmed and you were lucky enough to make it out with just a broken arm and a concussion. It could've gotten much worse, if you were in any less shape than what you were in now.

The doctor tells you that you need to rest for a month and take a break from archery.

You sigh. You didn't want to take a break from archery, but this was the only way you were going to get better.

* * *

The day you are discharged from the hospital, is when you see Kotori again. That morning, you texted Nozomi and told her:

"Tell Kotori I miss her."

* * *

When she and Maki approached you at lunch, they couldn't believe what they were seeing. "What happened?" They ask.

"Car accident." You reply. You notice Kotori look off to the side and rub her arm.

"Be more careful!" Kotori says. "Nozomi-chan said you missed me."

"I did."

You talk to her for a few more minutes before she and Maki leave. You were happy to see Kotori again, but this wasn't what you were expecting to happen when she saw your bandaged head and cast.

* * *

You text Nozomi later and find out that she has told Kotori that you like her. You are upset with Nozomi's actions but you are also accepting of it.

* * *

The next time you see Kotori is when she is with Maki, Eli, and Nozomi. You act like you don't know Kotori is aware of your feelings.

When you are all hanging out, you notice that Kotori is keeping her distance from you. You and her do not speak much after that.

It hurts more than getting hit by a car.

* * *

You run into her on your way to the bus stop. She was not with Honoka, like she usually is. You walk with her to the bus stop.

"How is your arm?" She asks, keeping her eyes ahead. You notice that she walks a little faster so she's not quite exactly next to you. You feel a twinge of hurt.

"It hurts but I'll get through it." You reply. She hums in response and you quietly walk her to the bus stop. "I have things to do, so I'll be going." You mutter a small goodbye.

"Bye." She says. You take a deep breath as you walk away.

You realize that things will turn into how they were with Eli. And you feel your stomach drop. You don't like this.

* * *

It's been a month since Kotori found out you liked her and the school year was ending in a few weeks. You were doing terrible.

Your arm got taken out of a cast but you still couldn't do archery. Your grades were terrible. You were hanging by a thread. You started feeling unmotivated to do your schoolwork.

You barely see Kotori anymore. And that's what hurts you the most.

She no longer makes the effort to visit you like she used to. You only ever see her when she's hanging out with your friends. And so you make the effort to hangout with your friends to see her. Sometimes you see her and sometimes you don't but it doesn't change the fact that you still feel lonely.

You miss being friends with Kotori.

And you had nothing to keep your mind off of it.

* * *

One day you see Kotori walking around the halls where your first class is. You've never seen her here before. You don't bother talking to her and hurry into your classroom. You see her turn toward you in the corner of your eye as you walk through the door.

You realize that she is probably there for Honoka because Honoka's first class is next to yours.

* * *

Later that day, you see them together with your group of friends. You stop in your tracks and glare at the group, especially Honoka.

And then you feel it.

Jealousy.

You are jealous. And you can't stand it. You avoid walking their way and take a whole different route to the bus stop. If that's where you even decide to go.

All you know is that you need to get away from them.

* * *

It was the last day of school and you hadn't seen Kotori in two weeks.

You see Honoka walk by herself to the bus stop a lot and you begin to wonder what happened to her and Kotori.

You shake your head and sigh.

* * *

You meet Nozomi and make sure to tell her you aren't angry with what happened.

"But Umi-chan..." Nozomi mutters. You turn and shake your head.

"No it's okay." You reply. You say your goodbye to Nozomi and your friends. You do not see Kotori with them.

* * *

You decide to walk home. Not a lot of students walk home this way and you needed time for yourself.

"This is fine." You say. "I already knew from the start." You swallow and feel tears in your eyes, threatening to run down your cheeks. "Why did I ever hope?"

You take a deep breath. You hear thunder ring in your ears. Rain begins to fall and the tears leave your eyes.

You knew from the start that Kotori was never going to love you.

* * *

A/N: I wrote this based off my freshman year of highschool. I'm on vacation right now and I couldn't help but reflect on my first year in highschool. I had a lot of trouble with my crushes and it didn't end well but I'm doing alright. I also felt like writing something angsty.

I used Umi and Kotori because I kind of act like Umi, not wanting to do anything to make my crush(Kotori) uncomfortable with anything. She really was the Kotori to my Umi. But hey thanks for reading and I'm sorry if the characters are a little ooc. I wrote this in 3-4 give me a break! Lol, I'll be sure to work on Will You Marry Me? when I get back from vacation don't worry! Thanks again!


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